The Beginner’s Guide to cross-cultural communication styles at work
Deborah Tannen’s books: You Just Don't Understand, That's Not What I Meant!, Talking from 9 to 5, and Conversational Styles.
Were you ever in a situation where your words were unintentionally misinterpreted by the person listening? Or perhaps you've felt that others tend to talk over you when you're trying to communicate? Do you ever sense that you might unknowingly offend people, not through the content of your speech, but due to the manner in which you express yourself?
For decades, Deborah Tannen, a distinguished sociolinguist and co-author of the Harvard Business Review's 10 Must Reads in Communication, has provided valuable insights into what she terms "different words, different worlds." The movements advocating for gender equality, diversity, inclusion, and cross-cultural acceptance have heightened awareness of the distinctions among genders, identities, and cultures. Tannen offers us a framework to delve deeply into these authentic differences as manifested through conversational styles.
This introductory guide presents a few of the fundamental principles and concepts Tannen has developed to assist others in comprehending and navigating the cross-cultural differences that may arise.
Let's begin with more about Deborah Tannen and her approach:
According to her official website: "In addition to her seventeen academic books and over one hundred scholarly articles, she has written eight books for general audiences. Among these, 'You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation' was on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly four years, including eight months as No. 1, and has been translated into 31 languages."
Here is a quick confessional: I still have my copy of Tannen's book You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, which I bought during my university years.
Tannen starts with the premise that every individual's life unfolds as a series of conversations. By recording and analysing authentic speech, Tannen illustrates that people exhibit distinct conversational styles and these styles significantly influence their interpersonal relationships. Consequently, when individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds, differing regions within a country, or differing ethnic or socioeconomic groups communicate with each other, it is likely that their words may not be interpreted precisely as intended.
These conversational styles are often acquired during childhood, shaped by the expectations of families, peers, cultures, and societies regarding communication. They can impact how others perceive us and how we perceive them. For instance, in many cultures, women are expected to use soft-spoken, consensus-seeking language and avoid highlighting their achievements. To those unfamiliar with such cultural norms, these tendencies might convey a lack of confidence and capability, even when that is not the case.
Here are a few of the concepts that Tannen has developed to illustrate communication style differences:
Rapport-building versus Report Talking
Tannen employs the concepts of connection (or intimacy, as she terms it) and independence to highlight distinct communication styles. Connection involves using conversation to foster and sustain close or collegial relationships, emphasising rapport-building. In U.S. American culture, this often entails sharing personal experiences, emotions, and feelings to establish connections with others and strengthen bonds. Hints and indirect language may be employed, with the expectation that conversational partners will pick up on these cues. In contrast, an independent communication style serves to assert one's autonomy and establish hierarchies in relationships. This style emphasizes facts, information and problem-solving, employing more direct and straightforward language to demonstrate competence and maintain individuality. Mismatched communication styles can lead to miscommunication or the listener may even take offense. Here is one example Tannen uses: Her male colleague remarked that he had read a journal article written by a woman who thanked her husband in the acknowledgments section of her paper for helpful discussions on the topic. Her colleague thought the author must be incompetent, or at least insecure: Why did she have to consult her husband about her own work? Why does she need his help? (Report Talking) Tannen clarified that the author may have intended to show evidence of a connection, that she valued her husband’s contribution and was happy to share with pride evidence of a balanced relationship. (Rapport-Building)
In professional settings, individuals are expected to adapt appropriately between these two styles.
High-Context vs. Low-Context Cultures
Tannen introduces the concept of high-context and low-context cultures. High-context cultures (e.g., Asian and Middle Eastern cultures) rely on context, nonverbal cues, and shared history in communication. Conversely, low-context cultures (e.g., Western cultures) tend to use more explicit language.
Direct vs. Indirect Communication
This leads us to the differing levels of directness which are evident in the communication styles of various cultures. Some cultures value clear and explicit communication, while others prefer indirect and subtle expressions. Learning to recognize and adapt to these styles can enhance cross-cultural interactions.
In the corporate world, particularly for those in leadership or advisory roles, there is an expectation of more direct communication. For some, embracing directness may entail reevaluating long-held assumptions about how they typically communicate. Others, especially those from cultural backgrounds that emphasize direct communication, may need to adapt their communication style when interacting with individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds. To a certain extent, being comfortable with direct communication is essential for those working in international corporate settings.
Listening and Silence
Tannen shows that silence carries different meanings in different cultures. Silence, pauses and interjections are key elements of turn-taking in a conversation. The difference in turn-taking patterns across languages and cultures highlights the diversity of communication strategies used by speakers. Some tend to follow a system of orderly and relatively short turn exchanges, with speakers taking turns in a linear fashion. In contrast, others may exhibit more overlapping or backchanneling, where listeners provide continuous feedback during a speaker's turn, creating a more cooperative and interactive conversational dynamic. Understanding when to jump into a conversation and how to give the listener cues that it is their turn to speak can be key to maintaining conversational flow. A mismatch can leave a speaker open to being perceived as dominating the conversation or impolite, or a listener being perceived as disinterested or having nothing to say on the topic.
Conflict Resolution Styles
Distinct cultures employ varied approaches to conflict resolution. Some may favor open confrontation, while others prefer a more indirect and amicable resolution. Understanding these preferences can help you navigate conflicts effectively.
Politeness and Face-Saving
Tannen discusses the role of politeness and face-saving in communication. Some cultures prioritize preserving face and avoiding embarrassment, while others place a higher value on directness. Recognizing these dynamics can prevent unintentional offense.
Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal cues, including body language, gestures, and facial expressions, play a pivotal role in cross-cultural communication. Tannen encourages us to be mindful of these cues and to acknowledge that their interpretations may vary across cultures.
Tannen cautions us to be mindful of these elements of communication styles, particularly when we are communicating apologies, criticism, expressions of gratitude, handling conflicts, offering praise, making complaints, or sharing humor across cultures. This in essence comes down to thinking not only in terms of what you say but also how you say it.